She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
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