dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
Randomize
