Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
Randomize
