Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
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