You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
I need to sanitize my soul.
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
Randomize
