Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
Randomize
