mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
Randomize
