He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
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