She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
Randomize
