why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
I think I have vodka in my lungs
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You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
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