i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
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