Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
Randomize
