dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
Randomize
