Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
Randomize
