Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
Randomize
