Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
Randomize
