fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize
