Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
Randomize
