Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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