My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
Randomize
