oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
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I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
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He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Randomize