fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
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