You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
youre lurking in front of me
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
Randomize
