today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
Randomize