the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
Randomize
