u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
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