Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
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