theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
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