A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
Randomize