he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
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