I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
Randomize
