When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
Randomize
