You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
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