Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
Yes, that's a picture of my balls. It isn't however an answer to my question.
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
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