He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
