talk about how much treatments for your hpv hurts
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Randomize
