This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
Randomize
