can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
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