I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
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