imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
Randomize
