I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
Randomize
