Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
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