Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
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