Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
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