Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
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