When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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