I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
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