I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
Randomize
