Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
Randomize
