Three words: puerto rican gang bang
I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
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