hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Randomize
