headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
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