i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
Who did Billy Mays play for?
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
Randomize
