I see my mary-anne walkin' awa-y-y! Bow Nahw now new, ne ne ne ne ne, ne ne nehw, ne ne new new Nah dan ah bwawn-now, ba bwan'll buh dada bwiddly doo.
That was supposed to be me air guitaring the solo from More than A Feeling
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
Dignity is for republicans.
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
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