so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
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