Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
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