you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
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