I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
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