Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
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