Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
I supernannyed him into submission
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
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