i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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