you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize
