Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
Randomize
