Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
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