Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
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