there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Randomize
