Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize
