just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
