question - sack: should she or should she not play with it during foreplay?
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
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