Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
So many bounce houses so little time
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Randomize
